


I don't like me, why should you?

by bgsbgsbgs



Category: Skins (UK)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:13:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgsbgsbgs/pseuds/bgsbgsbgs





	I don't like me, why should you?

AU: where Tony doesn’t get hit by a bus because he stays with Sid

 

*Sid gets hit by a car*

Fuck. Fuck was all Tony could say, think, hear at that moment. At the moment he knew he was in love, madly in love with his best friend that he had been passive-aggressively bullying all these years, putting down and making feel worthless because he really could n’t deal with him being so attractive to him and trying to fuck other people and not knowing he was in love with Tony and FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK....

Tony Stonem was not one to whine and bitch about his feelings, this of course being because Tony Stonem did not have feelings, for anyone, not for Michelle, not for the posh bitch and not even really for Maxxie. But Sid, his dorky little best friend who must positively hate him, and only stick around because he has no other friends and shitty self-esteem (courtesy of yours truly), Sid....who had so much shit going on that he didn’t need a gay best friend who just so happened to be in love with him, not even really to fuck him into submission. I mean, yeah the little shit would probably say yes if Tony asked him, because Tony was no idiot, he knew Sid would do whatever, if he asked. But not even Tony was that much of an asshole. Not even. So he waited, bid his time for a way to tell him or for his feeling to get fucked and shit. Shit. Fuck. He would soon really wish he hadn’t. 

He tried, tried it with Maxxie, to see if it felt right with him. I mean maybe he was gay, or bi or whatever. He just wanted Sid....his Sid....

Okay, so when shit hit the fan for Sid, Tony really tried to show Sid he gave a fuck, honest to God he did, I mean he loved the little shit, why wouldn’t he....but Tony was Tony and..... So he was a bit of a twat. So it was on the Russia trip where he noticed, on the Russia trip where his heart first broke, nay shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. It was on the Russia trip where he saw what a monster he truly was. 

So Sid was in the shower, and he obviously had no idea Tony was there. He could hear Sid gently sobbing and cursing and then come out the bathroom, shirt off, and search furiously for bandages in his suitcase whilst wreaking of blood and anxiety. He got up and tiptoed, just a little closer to notice big red angry scars littering the lower part of his torso, thighs and inner wrists, all in places that no one would ever see. Some looked so old, they were almost healed and others, others looked as though they could be just a couple days old. Tony was such a shit for not noticing was all he could think. Poor Sid, poor, poor Sid. Poor Sid, who was obviously still crying, silently sobbing, poor Sid who was still bleeding all over himself, poor beautiful, innocent, baby-faced Sid. Tony, upon the realization that he himself was now crying tiptoed to the other end of the room (unnoticed, a lot was to be said for Tai Chi) lay down and called out to Sid, pretending he knew nothing. 

“Hey, Sid, is that you?”

“Yeah, Tone...urm why aren’t you with Michelle?”

“I dunno....” He took a very deep breath “I missed you....I really missed you and I blew her off to hang out with my best mate....” he decided laughter was the best medicine “but I couldn’t find him so I had to settle for hanging out with you” he chuckled. “No, but seriously...” another sharp inhalation of breath “I was worried you would forget how much you mean to me....I know I’m a twat but.....you’re like a brother and.....and.....I love you man, I thought you might wanna know that” he muttered, aware that his Sid was still crying. 

“Thanks man, you too” Sid smiled “Now seriously, go back to Michelle before I go in your place”

“No, Sid, mate....I don’t know....I really don’t want to go see her right now....I wanna stay with you and I dunno....watch some shitty film you bought or do some drugs or shit....I dunno hang out....like the old times” 

“Do you really mean that instead of fucking your beautiful, sexy, hot as shit girlfriend, who is willing to shag you....you’re CHOOSING to hang out with me, your socially crippled, luckless, sexually inexperienced pet hobbit....Tony are you suffering from a concussion, are you dying, do we need to get you to a doctor?”

“Hey, I like hanging out with you....*way more than sex* a lot....”

“Okay....but what do you want?”

“Is it so implausible that I really do just care about you? That I wanna hang out with you?”

“Yes...but alright...sorry....um incidentally, I have the LOTRs on DVD with me....don’t judge, I thought I’d be alone” stuttered Sid.

“I bought popcorn at the duty free....” grinned Tony. 

“You really wanna stay and watch this with me?”

“Yes....and by the way you aren’t a Hobbit....you may seem short around me but you are actually a very cool height and I’m sorry but you are adorable...like you’re height is good....you’re good ...as for luck....you have me.....sexually inexperienced? *Tony silently prayed he could have a threesome with him* socially crippled, are you or are you just in my shadow” 

And like that, Tony started paying Sid compliments. 

////////  
Was it difficult to watch his best friend, person he was completely in love with, to self destruct, to totally fuck himself over time and time again? Fuck yes. Did he wish that he could be there, there for him, with him (on him)? A thousand times yes. He loved the little fucker, but... Jesus saying that, saying those words was so much more than he could ever manage. But he did love him, a lot, so it hurt more than he could conceive. 

It was just one of those lazy weekends where Tony would, should be out, doing something and Sid staying at home, waiting for Tony to call and make half decent plans. But, fuck it, Tony choose that Saturday afternoon to drop by unannounced to Sid’s house. To drop by and find Sid, his Sid, curled up, sobbing into himself, bloodied....very bloodied. 

Tony who was now crying too, lean’t down and softly whispered “Sid....Sid....Sid?” and upon receiving no response, was quickly sent into panic. 

“Tone, why are you my friend, I mean this is proof right....I’m pathetic, just like you said, like dad said, like that twat history teacher.....Cassie.....I am really fucking shit....and I’m sorry that you’ve had to put up with me for so long”

“Sid....Sid....don’t say that okay ever.....you wanna know why I’m your friend....because I....I love you more than anything....because you are such a good person.....kind...caring...loving....you’re just....you’re Sid....you’re Sid and that will always be enough okay....just.....ah fuck it” Tony exclaimed, pulling Sid into a warm hug. “Sid....Sid...are you....Jesus....look thats a lot of blood....Sid? Fuck....I think you need stitches or something...”

“Tony, NO, please I don’t want my parents to find out....I didn’t even want you to find out....please...Tony I cant....I’m not.....please.....don’t make me.....” sobbed Sid through ragged, metallic breaths. 

“Sid....look at me....look I’ll find a way to make it all okay, but you need a doctor....”

“Tone...Tony?”

“Sid...if you don’t come to the hospital....I think that you might die”

“I’d be so lucky” muttered Sid

“Sid! Look do not ever say that....okay...without you...I don’t even want to picture my life...I love you so much okay....you don’t understand....you...are....you are so many things to me Sid....”

With that, Tony powerfully hoisted Sid up, onto his shoulders, carried him downstairs and deposited him into the car and drove, at near breakneck speed to A&E. 

 

/////  
The doctors and nurses all swatted around Sid like flies on a corpse. They asked him questions, lot’s of questions and gave him meds. They called his parents in the end and his Dad just hugged him and cried, for ages. They thanked Tony, profusely. They all cried, Sid cried and then he was numb. As much as they promised him things would get better, he knew that was a lie. 

But right now, he had Tony, holding him, kissing him...whispering sweet nothings, and although things weren’t gonna get better for him, right now, in that moment he felt good. Now, that has to count for something.


End file.
